How Come Everything Seems to Me Like Everything It Shouldn't Be?

lost
a child blinded by the starlight
forgotten
every dream we ever had destroyed

we have every resource at our hands
when it comes to this, reach for my hands,
and pull me out of this rut
you said I'm slowly getting my pieces back together

pull me out of this rut

I love pain, it's my addiction
that's what a friend once told me
I try too hard,
all I want is the results

you leave when it's time,
but you never left here

where is the circle at, that I once placed in my mind?
I began this shadow, in hopes you would see what's coming next
I'm not afraid to begin again,
I'm afraid to end it all

you bleed me dry
say there's nothing left out there that can hurt me
as you have; there is nothing

what is empty?
a ceiling or dry wall?
throw some color into it, and suddenly, it's home

what is everything?
a collection of what is relevant at the time?
a phrase we use to get us past a moment?
when I say you are my everything, it's not just a lie,
or ever just a word,
it's you that gets me beyond getting by

I try too hard, and press too hard,
I don't want to push you away
farther, away than I already have
you look at me with closed eyes,
a saturation of what you think I am trying to be

with closed eyes and an open heart,
there is so much to see

how come everything seems to me like everything it shouldn't be?
will I play the character in your movie today, and not end up in the final cut?
where is the sky that I look up to?
you led me out in time to sing out loud one ridiculous line

on this train, you left me hanging
when I wanted to see you
you just wanted to leave