When I Fell Asleep

all the time has passed that led us here
next to one other night after night
and nothing has made me this happy in my entire life
like a child on their first ride I started off scared, but now
I never want this to end

when I fell asleep you sat on my minds corner waiting for it to get off work
eventually; you left because I had to stay longer,
with as low my mind was blowing, my heart was casually a casualty
you are the sweetest thing I ever have had

the snow had fallen for me, as I had fallen for you
so hard I shattered when I came to earth and realized this could work
and just as quickly you made me melt
my heart in your hands; nowhere else could have been safer

when I fell asleep, I only saw you
like a pleasant ghost, you were everywhere
and I never felt more of a man
my life turned to gold

the flowers bloomed freshly
and in bundles you would get them, and as they glanced back
you knew it was love

in phrases you would try to tear it down to find an underlying cause
and you asked me one of your ever so famous questions
why me?

without hesitation all I had to say was
because when I woke up, you were my dream come true

Carry Me: Hold Me: Waiting

restless, today went according to no plan that I know
when the flames were ignited, my greatest fears were excited
and then you eventually had to leave
my restless mind couldn't stand knowing you were gone
fingers tapped, my tears kept falling
and as I waited for you to come home,
I decided to leave
with no clouds in the sky, it was raining today
and my legs were sore from keeping you from running away
I gave up hope that you were sick from being gone
maybe I'm wrong, but I hope you feel just fine
you are every lyric I have ever sung, you can still be mine
before I realized how much I love you,
I knew how much I hated myself
to be honest, you are the only smile I wear
so wait for me at the alter,
because you deserve to know that if I ever forget where you are
then I was too occupied trying to discover you all over again
just hold me, because I fall apart when you are gone
and what remains of me after nights like this is what you can craft
I will always know you
as the one who stole from me, the first thing you ever gave me
in a swift round with my chest on the ground I peered into your eyes
and saw the sunflower fields that kept all the evil away from me






-Jessica I love you with all my heart, and I never want to see you sad. You make me who I am.

Coming Home Looking On Everywhere

back to bruised backs
paper novels harder to turn to dust than ash wood
folded delicacies into whipped desires, I can see it now
all that you hold turns to ice, stone, cold
you have the world in your hands, I am unsafe
at the drop of the dime you drop the ball and walk away
afraid and ashamed of your upbringing and how it just seemed to leave you there
in the middle of the grass is a single daisy, dying to prove the point we don't always live forever
if we can become legendary in any single way, lets hope it can be one of value
and now we are playing the game that the clock expects to win
I'm coming home looking on everywhere for what you left behind
the residuale loss of something one time substancial and nothing can spin faster than a marry
we ride fake ponies to experience the life
and as little as we are we have nothing to hold on to
if you shall ever wake up, I will be right next to you waiting, watching dreaming of you
my life has fired up in ways that had never been expected
but the things you least expect are the things you most appreciate
and though my eyes rie my mind, my heart connects to yours
and through every dream,
a silent movie has just one line
do not be a single one
she expects ice cream cones for lunch
she will expect handfulls of money to make her life easier than I ever had it
so it can only be the way that we figure out
in sleep we wait for the nightmare to come so we can remember how life can be in awkward situations

Seasons

if the air around us dictates everything,
check your thermostat
these words are stuck frozen, left alone
you are cold as fall
windy and yellow gold
I am cold and falling
if you can feel the same way as you did last week
you would feel like winter is trying to destroy us all
in places, we sit stuck frozen, left alone
if there is anything I've learned from the weatherman
is that the weathervane always points somewhere else
if you start to feel new again, like you can start over
lets start with a few seeds
in October we will harvest our dead leaves and carry them away in bags
and the next thing we know, we are getting places
it has been raining outside a lot this week
but the television screen said bright and sunny
just because you think you know what to expect,
you know when you are
the windmills are having a hard time making us stay alive
because the clouds have been stuck frozen, and with nothing to say
they broke my writers block, because I had some kind of day
and the seasons won't ever stay the same
but our words will stay stuck frozen
just like the weathervane

Praying for Chloe

defended by something in the air,
your surroundings have been raided
the sky isn't changing anytime soon
so I pray for your health, because I want to hold you
you'll be an angel when you get here
with all the need for attention
I pray you'll make it out fine
so just keep your eyes closed and dream up a place new
you'll see that dreams can come true when the time is right
my biggest dream came true when I met the world
I just never knew my eyes were closed

Carry Me (believeme)

tomorrow is a day yet to come without a promise
so have faith when I say
I am sick of taking today for advantage
you keep forgetting
who I was yesterday is just a shadow of who I will be next year
when life spins you webs,
keep on flying into them, because you can stick to something stronger

I keep wishing for you,
so believe me when I say you are coming to me through channels unseen

when things are different than planned,
throw away today, hold on to tomorrow

when I lose my footing,
will you carry me or will you throw me out the window?

believe me when I say,
this working title motion picture is in principle photography

the bigger picture is still out there somewhere,
under piles of your dreams and problems

you can condense me down to a single thread,
but you always will try to fill me up
my life has been spinning webs for centuries,
where will yours spin you?

Real

to ignite,
to hold for a short time
to lose everything
you are real
you are everything

to smother,
to never let go
to be timid on these feelings
I am here
I am somewhere I belong

you fade away
I can still see you
you ride behind me
I feel like you are showing me everything

to wrap up,
to walk out
to feel lost while staring at a map
without you, I don't exist
without you, I am not real

you are real my love
so keep holding on to me
even when I am out of sight

Carry Me (holdon)

out of reach
betrayed, diminished, distorted
only three words

it explains everything
crashing, falling, crushed
just hold on

tell your heart
hold on, now
just carry me

now we sit
separated, removed, static
in pieces waiting

even while weak
breathe, listen, see
while oceans sink

three words later
i love you
i am torn

nine times nine
hold on tight
this rides over

you hold on
gripping, releasing, requesting
oh young love

you walked out
goodbye, come back
i need you

Carry Me (nowforever)

pounding somehow
I just lost who I am

who was I back when the sun had rose?
where was I back when you came home?
sometimes I feel like you are all that is holding me
and then I remember, that you are

so here is to the days I forgot I made you feel alive
back when I made you laugh
I felt alive

when you hold me in place
I will ask you to carry me, carry me
now and forever
all I ever wanted was you

so now you want to exit the frame
holding on to everything that i love
and as the curtain falls
the act remains unleft

you are my supporting actor
the one who pulled me back
when any foolish mistake could have been made
you carried me
and said now and forever

According to Them

there is so much left to say
let me pick up
right where I left off-

I spoke to him, and all he had to say was
if it wasn't supposed to happen, then it never would
have happened

when he told me, the world is going to change day by day
you will wake up feeling so much different
now it's time to go

so now...
the whole picture has painted itself
within these days, forget what we say
all that matters is everything we may (become)

there is no place for me
there is nowhere left to go when you leave me
according to them, I never can become this
as time folds itself I withdraw my balance

I am running on this

While You Were Out

this car kept breaking down
with a lack of your presence
I didn't know what to do

I could have used your love for some of these harsh moments
because the pillar in time
needed a pillow to find
the sand box fills up from our love

our hearts have been waiting again
I wish I was with you to make sure
that you weren't crashing too

A Pillar in Time

car doors, slamming a hundred times over;
none of them are yours

this pillow under my head, holds me in waves;
in the vacancy you need your bed

you now should find, through the days;
I never take you out of my mind

who do you become, when forever ends?

Rhetorical

all of your things you keep on me about
new rhetorical questions; words you say
what do we speak of when we speak of the ones we think of?

you hold my head in the water, hoping I can see where you are standing
and as my eyes are shut; there is no point in seeing it
as I open my eyes, it always seems to end the same

just because you ran away
just because you ran before I knew
you said I was just a little boy

in the hell where I grew up
I was told that love is patient and understanding
what do you speak of when you speak of the one you love?

I fall every time you bait the snare
dealing these words,
I know you don't care

when you create distance,
you refine all the circles that create this line
and you keep spreading yourself further away from me

like you always hoped,
I'm becoming faker by the drop of your feet
especially when you leave me when I am hoping to be where you are

if only you knew what I feel like waiting to see you
you would see eye to eye with me
if you said be there at ten, I'd be there at the drop of a dime

but my two cents never save you

A Clear Beginning

it's all for you
it's always been just for you
if you keep your hands held out, you will see just where we will go
and soon girl you will feel alive

we belong together like two beautiful stars sharing the same part of space
and so in this clear beginning
it will always be just you and I

you can have the whole world, you can have all that I am
you can hold me when you are falling down
you can be everything to the world
but you already are everything to me

this is not a well thought out plan
this is just a few of the things I needed to do

and you are everywhere inside
and you are a clear beginning to the rest of my life

you can hold me down as much as you want, because I don't want to leave without you

Trying to Reconfigure all Lost Humans Before the End of the Battle

in a dark breeze haze holds our eyes claim
though the mist of blood clots and dismembers all of us in the meantime,
nothing can machine a new fiber to hold us together at times like these

in a warm sea, green foam folds up slowly and brushes me over the rocks
though the floor is of this new substance, I am floating through the air
nothing can hold me down because this is a one way ticket to where ever you lead me

this kind of circulation making its way straight for the door
will hold our hearts in place as we fall to the floor
we are in love, my father - we just know it

this kind of season is falling down in front of us all
will we hold our heads up high to ask simple questions?
we are embarrassing ourselves - we just know you are wrong

in a tragic elapse,  we try to fix what is already gone
as the blood is on our hearts, the guts is on their minds

in the timeline we are given, the tempo is costing us our copay
as the money is dirty, we can not buy your love

welcome to planet earth, we are all on our way out
unless someone changes the way they rule us out

whereThisends: itstheFirsttime

here you lay beside the empty green grass
here they all lay next to the empty brown glass
out of mind for now
when they don't feel concentrated
oh they will be obligated

here you lay, arms spread wide, wide
my heavy breathing is something for this event
and now we make for the door hoping to escape the reality
that we suffer in
this is the first time I have ever been this person

it is so sad that now we know you and I have money going out the door
paying off all the people who ever bet we would make it this far
for they were right for the best thing to ever happen
making it through this night is a test that neither one of us could have wanted to pass
now the wind blows hard, and the birds are speechless
in this world, there is no end
where this ends? we will never know
but the honest open hearted reaction is that we shall bear arms against all invaders
as your heart is not grounds for trespassing, and my heart is at full capacity
though you are a lone diner.

whereThisends: upbecomesUpsidedown

despite what words you say
I know I'll still be yours at the end of the day
in the meaning you try to find
an ability to make words to define

despair has been given to us all in forms
and this world is falling apart in uniform
each and every single plate drifting towards the edge of the globe
where this ends, up becomes upside down

we all gathered around to pass around the things nobody can confirm
as we all grasp onto the driftwood we loosen as we let go
we are as we all were, this is a kinder kind of killing
no ten bee's can find there way to the type of abysmal fate that we all testify to

you often try to offer nothing less than a sense of beginning
those words we speak in miserable tones weigh in the attempts we make on our life's

where this ends, up becomes the sunny side up of the last details made by those betrayals

Standing on the Ground

as gravity is pulling me away from this place now,
you are all I have to hold on to
when your palms are sweaty will you have what it takes to make
it out of this place, or are you somewhat paranoid.

maybe through the clouds, I will find hope in finding your logic
where everything is backwards and upside down
making the logical stand on the ground
you say I am full of something wasteful

there you stand, rotting through the pieces of a broken puzzle
sifting through the sand
hoping for some slight of hand
there is nothing there you need to look for

if prince charming would have been coming on a horse
he would have been made of oxygen and
eyes rolled back from unconsciousness
if I am prince charming, then I could go when I want

there is nothing that would make me want to leave
this ground without you
so if you could be my anchor,
I would like to set ship on your heart

come walk this plank, it never ends
when you come on board
you will never have to feel
like I am not the slightest bit of real

my shoes make the impressions on the moons surface
that somehow nothing is going to be about this
and somehow every dollar spent on love is going to
smite all my hard work

so if this is the ship you were sinking in
grab my hand
because the way up is harder
than being alive

And So We Say

the pace of this movie,
is like amputations on the kitchen table

the way the song is sang
is like nails on chalkboards, made of styrofoam

is it pleasant to be alive?
no and yes are both acceptable answers,
but what questions can you easily say both to,
without being scorned?

the waves of the ocean,
are crashing in like a car crash, without any drivers or passengers

the way we stay alive when we should have been gone and long forgotten
make us all ask questions

is the world really all that round?
is it the air we breathe in today?
and such things are uncontrollable, when we say
no or yes

the birds are singing loudly
without vocal chords, or even tonsils, just for us

make us up out of your minds being if you can
and so we say, you can't
and so we say, you never will
and so we say, you are not even real

this is contortion, confusion, and a senseless mind of being
without being in the kind of mind for this kind of being
your wrist is plagued by the mannequins starring you down
as they once said
we are not fallen, we are not falling, we are everything you wished
without the courtesy of being dead

Forge Your World

its this abysmal bliss taking over
its this arsenal I'm building up of you
you will carry us through every word we say
every single catch phrase we will need to get through the day

my bleeding heart has been waiting for your reach
but as I hold my hand out you hesitate to think it is mine
as the world I once had has been dead, all the people there are still dying
but in monotone, I can say I am still trying

lean over, you are the world I have created
sit down, you are the world I have painted
believe me, you are the world to me
if only you weren't blind you would be able to see

if the sun is too bright I can dim it down,
if your pockets aren't full enough, I can fill them up
if you say I am falling apart, I can make myself full again;
but I only want you to fill me up with your love again

when the moon waits for us to see it
we must open our tired eyes
sometimes the hardest thing too do is look
but its always been the best opportunities I ever took

Needless Needles

if you follow you me through to the ocean blue
deep and bruised, I will share with you
all the things in life that have done me wrong
and these words will say
all these needless needles, keep stabbing me up
all these wires hanging me down
keep hanging me down

there is a place in outerspace
so unused, far and distant and rarely seen
there is no words for me to say
just remember I was raised this way
there are not wires for hanging up your clothes
all these needless needles keep your veins filled with toxins
all these vessels are filled with your toxic addiction
keep shutting me down

now that we have established the story line I must remind you
just where I grew up in
five different places with ten different faces
all of which were supposed my mom and dad
but at the end of it all it was only me that I had
continuing through this struggle
these needless needles with their unfulfillable intentions
never help me wind up dead
or ever help me find out when
keep throwing me down

Close At Heart

remember when you first came around?
the first thing we did was watch those who made it doing what they loved
if you would've told me back then where you would take me, I never would have guessed
it was barely two and by then I knew I loved you
and as you were getting ready to leave, I took my hearts chance
grabbed your hands and made us dance

an hour past two
I walked out the door because I already knew
some days pass us by
but moments like those will always remain close at heart

now nothing smells the way the you did the day walked in
but because of this life I live, everything reminds me of that day
as it was barely a day later, I fell asleep to wake up dreaming of you
and in my love, I held you close at heart

something grows in presence to make its presence known,
but how do you miss something like this?
or me?
something so pricey and bitter sweet, barely stand-able in the core of
your mouth you don't understand why
no these nightmares don't come true,
as nightmares are only a sad mans dream as it unfolds
and you my love, will always be close at heart

January. Especially Since Someone Is Carrying Aydria

now we face the dealer, cards in hand, cigarettes and empty breathing
walking through these face down walls, sevens and fours leave me scrambling for nines
three is four without you, and me without six is me hoping for you,
ten moments of these cold days, conversations used to fix the past,
words flow out speedily today, almost too fast to make you understand
the flow you stole from me remains undecided as the river is now nothing short of dismisal
now we find our predicament predictable, nothing predetermined left us with everything undetermined
now we find the shortfall in everything, looking for scars in everything
these are black eyes from you
these are black eyes from you
these are nightmares from dreams that never came true
and the difference is this time, I know it's real when I say - I love you
everything is real is my world now, everything is made of cheap cologne and beds that are never big enough
everything we fall from is everything I needed to know, to keep you real, to keep this feel
under these clouds we find ourselves lost in lonely matter
all you know is that nothing matters
and everything you've ever dreamed of is never coming to this box set dining room,
staged here in front of your personal audience of you
not that sharing is the way to be, but understand it's always been us, and never just you and me.

The Turning Pages

the turning pages of life continue through the darkness of tonight
walking through snow
the black and white hue we rest our photographs on show no emotion
the trenches we fight in and duck and cover from what we are afraid of
and though we fly through moments we once had
and through the trenches we fly beneath what makes us real

now I am waking up at the moment that I left off before
to the moments I walked through this house
for the minutes I fought the war I knew I could never win
the black and white shades of our past is on show with no season
now that I have something left to show the world
I feel restless in the ways that I could use some rest

the turning pages there is nothing to look back on
now the moments we miss from here on out
we will still be next to each other
the white walls around here can become obnoxious
in the flavor scented way

the black shades around here can become lonely
in the loneliest moments of time

Inventions for the Lost

the shadows
shades, watching the shallow length of our bodies;
the ones we've lost have lost the ones we are,
us, the shallow bucket of life;
we bare witness to the rippers walking into this town,
we bare clothes off our backs for those without backs;
become what I've become
and you'll become lonely
your words will become lost
shattered
forgotten
yes you were there in my past, long before you knew I was in yours
it's all physical and physics and words becoming planetary planes,
sailing through the words you create
so symbolic of the narcoleptic ways I pass out when I become overly conditioned with love;
and you are lost
shattered and forgotten;
or until the day I am removed from being the key to your castle walls

Vermin & Deadbeats

it's safe to say that the both of us here have something new to say to each other
I love you and I hope you stay with me
as soon as these rodents become extinct we will both know that what is wrong has
never been anything significant
"I'll get working on that" you try to say but I can hardly believe a word you've said

if you can reach, you can take my heart, but you are going to have to jump
if you find yourself breathless you are going to need somebody with lungs
because I haven't taken a breath since I've been with you
and if you fall down, somebody else is going to need to catch you because
I haven't been at the bottom since you came into my life

the last thing here in this ghost town is some vermin and deadbeats hoping to seduce us all
with their noxious gas and potent poison
save ourselves, I can't grab on to anything but you

if you say I'm cold hearted, it must because you haven't been holding me close enough
and if you think our relationship is ever shaky, it must be because we are in California or somewhere
where plates collide, because we always work out our toughest flaws
I'll be dead with my heart beating before I can let this go

Party on New Years Eve/PONYE/Pony Up

a thick layer of attitude and vodka kept us all together
uniting people who hate each other in one place
hoping we would all do each other the favor of ignoring our differences,
our big family hates most of our members


I fucking hate the way I had to look at your face to make my night hilarious
I am the skin on the onion that keeps people from crying or wanting to stay away from you
but I am anxious to know that I am peeled far back and they've all seen just how hideous you are
all you want is to be consumed while consuming the only thing that makes you feel normal and alive


we've all got limits,
so if you're going to hold my head down while I pray to a God I know to be existent
than hold my hair up from my face
because the best thing I have to say is going all over the place


carry the torch of king of the throne, that was one hell of a party to show me
what kind of stupid exists in you and how glad I can be to be purged clean of you
you're just a pawn trying to be used, because its all you know you're capable of being worth
and you are just a pony waiting for a standoff with another drink of Jäger

A Dream Too Far

you're not a fad, you're not a collection
you're not a gift, you're a common correction
you are the sear on my chest, fixing mistakes I've made up to now
you're not a dream too far to catch up with

I find it impossible to hold you all night long
when I wake up you are always gone
but you never forget to leave a note on my chest
to make sure I know, you had to go home

you're not the tear in the corner of my eye,
you're not the pain in my heart,
you're the part of my life that keeps me alive,
for your taboo, I am simply a man hoping to keep you around forever

so if this is what you would call lust, then love is a challenge
but we know that love is something different and it is what we have
you were always gone when I woke up, which is when I would sleep to see you again
but that was just a dream too far, keeping me back and holding me down, keeping me away

you changed my game, fixed my path, corrected my lenses, you found the gap in my heart
you built a bridge for you to become a permanent resident, to hide out and make sure you are the
last one
I'm not done dreaming, you are more to me than they all know